You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
