No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
