Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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