You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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