She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
