I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
