It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
