no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
