She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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