Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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