I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
