woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
