Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
