there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
