Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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