you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
