I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
