apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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