I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
