Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then you guys just all showered together...?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
