Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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