Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
