ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
