So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
