Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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