I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
