he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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