p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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