Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
