sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
