i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
