He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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