I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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