Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
