I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
