I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
