I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
