You just made me feel so damn special
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
