the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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