woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
