Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
