no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
