I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
