uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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