If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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