dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
