I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
