Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
