I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
