I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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