and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
